Selamat tinggal Mak ..

Amidst the laughter, the smiles ... it was all a brave front.

We all tried hard not to shed another tear. Not at this happy ocassion, where you should be .. sitting amongst us with your infectious joy and merry chattering.

We missed you. I missed you.

As much as I tried not to cry, I succumbed to grievance. It could be the quiet journey home in the car that brought back memories of you.

Who would have expected that you will leave us this soon? Days prior to your departure, you have kept reciting the kalimah syahadah. You knew.

And when I cried while stroking and messaging your legs, your head gestured for me not to cry like you did when Hani cried.

And why didn't it occur to me .. when I saw your eyes spoke to each and every one of us the last night prior to your departure?

I should have known. I guess I knew .. but never did I expect it to be this soon.

My consolation is ... God loves you more Mak.

When the morning call from Kak Shidah mentioned that you have collapsed, I have prayed that may Rasullullah be there to hold your hands ... that you many not have fear in your heart ..

While I'm just a mere being who errs ... who's nowhere near pious, but I believe Allah remembers your kindness that you have poured to many .. to my family. That I shall never forget.

God loves kind souls. And you are one of the chosen few.

However sad I may be, somehow I knew you're at a better place, where you're no longer in pain or sadness.

We all will always miss you .. and you shall forever lives in our hearts.

Al-Fathehah khususan ila arwahi Hj Ramlah Bte Marzuki ... my beloved mother in law.

Gembeng

Ok so I was emotional. Well yes I can't it help it that I'm such a gembeng person. Gembeng is a Malay word for one who's easily emotional and shed too much tears.

But really, I'm just a normal person who happens to have a very very soft spot for families .. well ermm .. among couple of things.

So what was I thinking to even suggest a family meeting at the hospital's cafeteria?! Anyway, after series of intermittent teary eyed sessions and a clown's nose later, the tribe spoke.

One of the things that I truly respect in the Rasidi's tradition is .. muzakarah.
Muzakarah is an Arabic term for discussion/ open dialogue to address issues. It is in fact a practice encourage in Islam. Well I might not be 100% accurate with the definition, but it could be something like that .. to the best of my knowledge.

I don't think we're a very much pious bunch, but we are just decent people who value family ties and strives to do just the right thing. And I'm glad that we have come to an agreement that we do hope could be the best for Mak. Wallahua'lam.

Having an open dialogue with the family has always been an emotional one .. well at least for me. It was made worse that Kak Shidah was just as gembeng as me. So I cried, she cried, making me cried more .. and thus we cried together-gether ..

Drama.

We all love Mak dearly and we're working on caring for her the best that we can, in unison.

We ... her children.

I believe that is what arwah Ayah would want us to do. I do hope I shall never forget that. WE will never forget that.

Mak Lam, my mother

"Lauk pindang dah masak?" It came out from one of Mak Lam's best buddies when I first walked into the hospital ward. All other 5 pairs of eyes turned to me. I was like ... did I forgot something?? Mak Lam can only managed a very weak smile and said that she have asked for Kak Yah to cook it for her.

Mak lam and her 5 buddies have been life long friends. They've been with her in her good and bad times since they were colleagues in their early 20s. That was a whole of 40 or more years of friendship.

My mom-in-law is not rich, but she have always been surrounded by people who truly cares for her as she had for others. She would never have a second thought to help a friend in need .. and especially so for all her children.

Today, I saw sadness in her eyes as I heard, the sadness in her voice just 2 days ago.

The day that Mr hubby said that he found her alone at home, peeing on herself. I have controlled the tears from flowing. There was so much sadness in my heart. How can we let her come to this?

I called kak Shidah probing how she'd feel if we take Mak to live with us. I know she would have no problem with it but mak was having reservation. I called her and address her concern. And she said .."I'm not having the normal ill ... I'm really ill I can't bathe myself."

It made me so sad... and I wished I could just hugged her then. "Mak, I'll give you a morning bath k and abg will take care of you in the afternoon".

That day when I went home, I dashed to my own mom's room and hugged her. I kissed her many times as my tears just kept flowing. I love Mak Lam as I have loved my mom and I just can't imagine if the same happened to my mom.

I've asked my parents how they'd feel if we get mak Lam to stay with us and I was just so glad that they're very supportive about it.

I just had a feeling that Mak Lam is giving up.

It have been a week that she barely eats or drinks. Kak Shidah mentioned that many times she have caught Mak Lam gazing longingly at arwah Ayah's wall framed photos. She must have missed him.

And we have done nothing to ease that pain. We practically haven't tried hard enough. We... her children. And it made me sadder that Kak Yah mentioned she will only bring her the lauk pindang on Sunday. I just wish that she could at least drop by tomorrow.

It was sad. For now, I can't bear to break that news to her.

God, please help us make it better for her.

Blast from the past

Meeting Siti was a blast! Had a great time, more so as we had my or rather our favorite fish soup with milk at the stall across Bugis Junction.

It was funny when I suddenly realize how similar we are, yet different in our own way. We used to have long flowing hair. I was the taller and slimmer version of her (ehem .. back then) but with a much flatter nose. And she's the much kecoh version of me, only shorter and cuter. We had the same taste in foods, men, clothings .. when we met that day, we had the SAME black blouse over black pants and brown handbag! And we loved the fried fish soup.

Well we were hot during our hey days and regularly got wolf whistle wherever we went! We love to dance. We worship Janet Jackson and Paula Abdul's every dance moves and practically practise every night after our shift ends when we worked at Isetan. We were THE DUO hahah. Come to think of it, I actually had the best time of my life with her.

She hasn't change much .. just that she's much cuter ... rounder. She's still crazy as ever while I've mellowed. But it's nice to be half crazy again even though only with her.

We talked a lot that day and that just re-emphasized how similar we are in thoughts too. The good thing is, the duo today are much stronger than before, thanks to all of the lessons well learned from the school of life. Yes, we shared similar experiences too. Coincidence? Not too sure what the Great Ultimate Creator had in store for us .. but I'm sure He must have a plan for us somehow now that we met again after so many years?

Anyways ... I'm just so happy to have found her again. Well she could just be the engine that could ignite the fun switch in me that somehow got kidnapped by Mrs workaholic.

Well i need to have fun, at least before the shuttling began .. where Mrs Workaholic lead an army of Pinoys.

First stop, Bali perhaps?

Love is as Love does ..

So how do you nurse a heartbroken 15 years old?

Just hurts to know she's hurting inside. You can only tell her to be strong, that she deserves better and that she'll meet more people and places to go. More importantly, she have a choice, and all hers to make.

"Now I know how you felt ummi" cried the first born as I hugged her and wiped her tears. My heart cried with her today.

Baby, you can never know how I felt. And I've prayed that you will never know how it felt. Never sweetie because you WILL have someone who loves you more than you love him and who will never ever make you shed another tear.

Somehow I knew it was difficult for her to let go. The good memories, the good times.

It just seems like dejavu.

Not able to let go is a great weakness. My weakness ... for the longest time.

However life is a process as with everything else it presents:

Frustrations before satisfactions, failure before success ... sadness before happiness .... chaos before peace .... weakness before strength.

I have found my strength, and you will too in time in your own way. But for now, you have the luxury of choice.

True Love shouldn't hurt because if it does, then it's not.

Lucky few found it because for the rest of us, we are just content to settle for less. I hope you don't.

You will find your One True Love in time ... and only time will heal all wounds. Baby, cry all you want and may it wash away all your sorrows.

We'll always be here for you.. and one thing baby, no one loves you more than I do.

To be or not to be a Couch Potato

What really can you do in Singapore?

Other then being a couch potato.

When we've watched almost all that VOD on Starhub could offer, we turned to Video Ezy.That was where I have burnt a couple of tens weekly. Times that to 4, that could bought me a very nice new pair of shoe!

Well thanks to Tall Guy who gave me a glorious vanity moment. It's either he's half blind or they just train their staffs well... Whichever it is, they sure have been successful making me spend my good dime.


I was there with the girls and was telling Tall Guy that I'm pretty bad in returning borrowed stuff in time. He then mentioned that I can get my sisters to return it on my behalf. I turned to my left and right, was confused initially until he pointed to my kids. When I told him that I'm the mother, I swear his jaw just fell to the ground! hahah. He took my IC, kept flipping it back and forth then look up to me and did it again at least 4 times like a routine. That was really funny.

Well that made my day actually. I was beaming while the kids must be getting sick of their mother's self admiration and the oh-my-god-he-thought-i'm-your-sister glorious moment re-enactment and repeated broadcast on channel Mr Husband.

Mr Husband obviously got tired listening and just go .. 'whatever' attitude like he don't care. But it was interesting to see some reaction from him when I told him another piece just weeks later.

I had a late lunch alone and was rushing back to the office. As I was walking, I heard a footstep jogging behind me and suddenly a man voice talking to me from my right.

"Hey .. Hi! hmm .. can I get to know you?"

Seriously I was stunned, but frankly I was actually more confused. Looked to my left and right .. and all that I can come up with was like:

"Huh?! You talking to me??"

Then he kept asking for my name and introduce himself. He's not too bad, dark and pleasant looking. A Malaysian starting a new job from around my office area.

Then he asked for my number. For some stupid reason, well blame me for being a multi-tasker-GER (Multi-tasker Manager)I had 1001 things running in my head at the same time! Enthusiastically my reply was:

"By the way, you have friends who'd like to work part time or maybe yourself for our 2 days project this coming weekend? Drop by to my office on the second floor .. call my office"

This time he was confused. hahaha. He must have been like what the heck? Anyway, cut story short, he called me on my DID couple of times later on the pretense of asking about the jobs then smoothly tried his 'get to know you' pick up line. And my respond was:

"For your information, you're talking to a married woman whose a mother of seven. Yes I've got 7 children who can shred you to 7 pieces in 7 seconds and a husband whose 7 feet tall, 7 times your size who'll hunt you down for just making this call. Still interested?"

So ok.. that's so exaggerated. I wish I could, but I'm a nice person. Well actually the statement just stop with the children. Told him I'm a family person, someone wife and mother and there's no good reason for him to have any acquaintance with me. Somehow he got that and that was the last time I heard from him.

Well yes that piece made Mr Husband sit up for a while :)

Back to the video thingy, me and the kids have our video moments every weekends .. friday nights. And that have quite burnt a hole on my pocket. Not really on the rental fee but the late fine fee.

So now, we've switched to hollywoodclicks.com where late fee doesn't exist, and dvd delivered to your mailbox! So that's really sweet!


And back to what can you really do in Singapore?


Well of course other than DVDs .. it helps that getting my first DSLR gives me an alternative answer.

So for the whole past 1 week, the mind was fully tuned into things photography ... aperture, bokeh, exposure, histogram .. became familiar. Clubsnap/ Flickr became the regular hangout and the forum is where I clicked with other photo maniac.

I'm sleepy.

Till then and hopefully will update on our weekend 'getaway' with buddy Olympus E520 the next time round!